Forgiving ourselves is every bit as important as forgiving others when healing issues that trouble us and affect the way we live our life.
We become engaged with the internal struggle and lock horns with the energy and shame we feel which keeps us stuck and unable to move on with our life. We keep creating or desperately fear creating similar experiences, which only adds to our self-disappointment and shame and exasperates our feelings even more.
I have always believed that the worst person to be angry with is your self. There is no one to argue with or blame, except for your self. So the issue can stay within us and sometimes fester and gnaw away at us from inside. It actually is every bit as damaging to our body and self-esteem as my description suggests.
We sometimes find it very difficult to forgive ourselves for things we have done, things we haven’t done or things we feel we should have done differently. We feel ashamed and deeply disappointed with ourselves because of the outcome of the choices we have made.
Society and individuals use shame as a means to manipulate and punish us into a mindset that causes us to conform to what people believe to be acceptable behaviour. Shame has a direct effect on our emotions, which is what makes it such a powerful weapon (I have not used the word weapon lightly, I believe it is the appropriate word).
While growing up if this technique has been extensively used to control our behaviour we feel it is normal and acceptable. We have been conditioned to think that we deserve to be emotionally punished for all our shortcomings. So it feels natural for us to think that when no one is punishing us for our shortcomings we must punish ourselves because we deserve it.
If we were to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings we are no longer being punished, this would be unacceptable and so the self-punishment continues.
Because of our immense feeling of shame we don’t talk about how we feel so we therefore fail to realise that often the people we think we have failed have long forgiven us and forgotten all about it.
Another thing we tend to miss is the anxiety we are causing the people that are close to us and that love us. They can feel the emotional turmoil we are inflicting upon ourselves and often don’t understand why we do this or how they can help us to change this perpetual cycle.
So please don’t beat yourself up for your shortcomings or mistakes, after all you can only ever respond or react according to the knowledge and tools you have at the time. Remember that the experience was offering you the opportunity to deepen your understanding and grow as an individual. This is an amazing gift that you can Honour and cherish by utilizing your newfound understanding and not misdirecting your energy towards beating yourselves up.
If you find it difficult to forgive yourself this is what I suggest you do.
Close your eyes, take a few deep and gentle breaths and invite the person or people you feel you have wronged to stand before you. Then with your thoughts apologise and tell them what you think and how you feel, ask for their forgiveness and be thankful for all they endured to facilitate your deeper understanding.
When you have expressed yourself fully, ask if there is anything they wish to say in response, you may not receive anything or you may be surprised by their response. Then with honour and gratitude release them from you and release yourself from them. Be gracious to them and yourself for all the strength, knowledge and wisdom you have gained from enduring these challenging experiences. Honour the sacrifice they made to facilitate these experiences for you. Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to no longer punish yourself in this way and set the shame in your heart free for the universe to heal on your behalf.
If you’re a person that feels guilty irrationally and blames yourself for things you know deep down are not your fault, this is what I suggest you do.
Invite the person or people that have conditioned you to punish yourself in this way to stand before you. Then with your thoughts tell them what you think and how you feel. If you want to get angry, don’t hold back as your anger indicates how much it’s been affecting you and will help with the healing.
When you have expressed yourself fully, ask if there is anything they wish to say in response, you may not receive anything or you may be surprised by their response. Then with honour and gratitude release them from you and release yourself from them. Be gracious to them and yourself for all the strength, knowledge and wisdom you have gained from enduring these challenging experiences. Honour the sacrifice they made to facilitate these experiences for you. Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to no longer punish yourself in this way and acknowledge that it is not your natural state of mind, it’s the way you’ve been conditioned to think. Set the shame in your heart free for the universe to heal on your behalf and feel secure in the knowledge that;
When you release the shame, it’s YOUR LIFE you reclaim.
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