David Polkinghorne
Healing that includes Acupressure, Acupressure Massage, Talk’s / Presentations & Workshops

What is love?


I often feel concerned and I know what I’m about to write may come across as quite cynical or harsh, however I feel it needs to be expressed.


My concern is that the way love is portrayed and expressed is all too often fluffy, theatrical and without much substance.  I believe this way of expressing love is derived from need fulfilment because we feel unloved; we therefore go on a quest to earn someone’s love or beguile someone into believing they need our love.


While growing up love is often only demonstrated when certain requirements are fulfilled or when it is earned.  We soon learn through this experience that love is a tool by which we can manipulate situations to our advantage. 

When the only love received is conditional, at a human level we think this is true love and naturally believe it to be the appropriate type of love to give others.  This confusion about what love is perpetuates the cycle of conditional love and keeps many of us in conflict with each other and our soul.


Only when the giving and receiving is unconditional will the giving and receiving feel full and complete. 


At a soul level we know the difference between conditional and unconditional love, so when we only give and receive conditional love we understandably feel empty, unfulfilled and unloved.


So what is love?

All too often in the quest for love we gather what we can from around us and try to fill our heart with that.  Finding love in this way is superficial and unsustainable, because it is reliant on material things and the input of other people.  These things and people can all too easily slip from our grasp and leave us feeling abandoned and unloved.  We then find ourselves putting up with all kinds of abuse because we feel we need them, our fear of loosing them and our attempt to hold onto them.

For me love begins in our heart, blossoms, grows and is exuded out into the universe by our thoughts, words and deeds.  This fills us with an inner contentment and knowing of our self and purpose.  Inner contentment of this kind means we never feel alone or unloved.  Then the people we choose to share our life with will mutually nurture and enrich the relationship and together create a fulfilling and rewarding experience.

A relationship based on need, is a relationship doomed indeed.


A relationship based on choice, is a relationship you will rejoice. 

These are some of the definitions in my dictionary for the words that often prefix the word love when we describe the type of love we desire.


TRUE; genuine, not spurious or counterfeit, loyal, faithful, constant, correctly positioned or balanced.


PURE; unadulterated, perfectly in tune, non corrupt, morally undefiled, sincere.


UNCONDITIONAL; not subject to or determined by conditions.


A few words I would like to add are; non-judgemental, considerate, tolerant, mutually supportive, I'm sure you can think of some more. 


Each of these words or descriptions could individually describe love, so are we really saying love love?  So good they named it twice!! 


Please contemplate the way you give and receive love.  Take your consciousness into your heart and acknowledge how it feels when you think of the love you give and receive.   

You may decide you wish to give and receive love in a different way, therefore breaking the perpetual cycle and changing the experience of love for yourself and loved ones forever. 




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